Talk:The Warrior's Beginning (original version)/@comment-2142396-20171113181456
Wow, I'm really excited for this project! Even though it's technically a rewrite and I know how the story would end, I'm more than ready for more complex plot, better developed characters and the original take on the worldbuilding. I just finished chapter 3 and so I am ready to comment. I got to ask some questions to clear up things first - did I get it right that Urran is not Noonvale’s (or is it Evenglade now?) leader in this story, but rather one of the more influential land-owners? Also, is Sayna just called Sally there and not Sundew? Because I really liked the sound of that name. And how old is Rose? As far as I remember, she is a year younger than Sayna, but I’m not sure about that. By the way, I totally love Tynek's name! Is it pronounced as Tai-nek or Tee-nek? I say it as Tai-nek and it sounds awesome. :D Seeing younger Sayna/Sally was a delight, even though I was slightly surprised with how much her personality is different from the older Sayna I'm used to. While Sally is still adventurous, persistent and eager to get away from her family's protection, she is also far more cautious and reserved, especially after the episode with Ferran, when she became almost paranoid. But then, she is a young girl who wasn't raised to fight and never had to deal with life or death situations until then, so such reaction is only fitting. Though I have to admit I don't exactly understand why Sally didn't tell anybeast about Ferran's attack. Or better to say, I partly understand her – I know that she was scared, and that she probably thought that her parents won't believe her, judging by their reaction to her injuries, and then she didn't want to disappoint her father. Still, it's assassination attempt we are talking about, and it's not something I would have taken lightly – at the very least, I think Dancer deserved to know. Dancer is such a funny character, she is always able to lighten up the mood – or at least, she is definitely funnier than I remember her to be. In fact, she reminds me of Mystiquestar in that aspect! :D And even though Rose isn't as prominent and strong of a character in this story so far compared to the sequels, I love that she is basically the heart of the group. Plus, I like how you introduced the prophecy with a song, and it's a very poetic song, too. :D The second encounter with Ferran was breath-taking! Darn, he just a sadistic fellow if his response for having Sally in his mercy was to begin beating her up instead of simply killing her... o_O Also, I really like how you widened the range of both Prophets' and Shadow Fighters' (or are they Necromancers now? I admit I liked the previous name more; it was more catchy) powers. Force fields? Enhancing weapons? Healing powers? Cloaking spells? Yes, please!! Hmm, Groddil isn't exactly good in communicating, is he? Even Stargazer makes a better spokesperson, and Groddil's blunt, matter-of-fact manners mainly puzzle Sally and scare Rose. ;P At the same time, it makes me wonder at Groddil's backstory – I suppose he had spent a lot of time in solitude for him to be so withdrawn, even awkward... which is kind of sad, actually. “''Sally, there is creepy lady there!”'' “''Who? Me?”'' Haha, that's going to be the funniest conversation so far! :D Though it doesn't change the fact that Fragorl was seriously creepy, and quite powerful too for her to be so good with spells. Oh my, Tynek's situation is so bleak and depressing comparing to the peaceful living in Evenglade... But then, you always took your characters' suffering seriously. Just the very fact that Tynek is so surprised by Kaylar being kind to him speaks of how harsh the slaves' life is if 'everyone for themselves' is a rule and you can't expect anybeast's help along the way. The fight scene in the arena was very well-done! Kaylar is truly a fearsome warrior if he managed to take on five or six guards at once, and never once I felt that the action was forced. Tynek getting Bloodwrath was unexpected, but awesome... and scary, if I am to be honest. Also, if Tynek is capable of such a fury and of doing such damage in battle, then how great Sayna’s Bloodwrath is is going to be considering that hers were stronger in the original version? What species are Badrang, Erwin and Tramun (Truman?) in this rewrite? Badrang is an ermine, but Erwin and Tramun are said to be weasels, which is different species – are they only half-siblings? Then again, Tramun is called a stoat later, so is Erwin a stoat, too? I wonder what Erwin's motivations for staying near Badrang is, considering that her backstory most probably isn't the happy one there as well. But Badrang seems to trust her enough to keep her as a seer, which he probably wouldn't have done if he had killed her family as he did in the first version... Erwin's attempts to read the future interest me greatly, because they keep me guessing at what exactly she had seen that made her hate Tynek so much and yet that forced her to help him anyway. My guess is that she had seen that Tynek would destroy the empire of Greeneyes, meaning destruction of Badrang and probably her own destruction... and maybe the last piece falling into place meant that Tynek's death would only make things worse?